Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so much tequila, so little girl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
