Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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