I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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