I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
