Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
