so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
