Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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