Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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