I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
