yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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