My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
