Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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