Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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