No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
