Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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