please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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