Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
