Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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