ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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