Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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