Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
