Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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