i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
