i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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