im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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