he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
