I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
