im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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