Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
