I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
