So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
