i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
