She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
