My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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