nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
