apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
