hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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