I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
