No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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