we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
