Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
