We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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