I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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