i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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