the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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