no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
