ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
