Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
