when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
