how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
