when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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