...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
