and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
