New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sobbing to NWA
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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