and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
