people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
