Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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