So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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