oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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