I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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