He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
