There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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