I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
