Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
