it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
