I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
