i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
