It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
