I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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