If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
