On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
