After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
